Spammers, Argh!

Okay, don't be alarmed. This isn't going to be an all-out rant against spammers. Well, it is a slight rant, but I have reasons.

Since being employed (or well, interned, I suppose is a better word) at Decibel Magazine since May, I know all about clogging up people's inboxes with messages. In fact, I sympathize with spammers, up to a point.

Observe, this is a breakdown of Typical Kris Fossett DB Message:
SUBJECT: "[fill in band] profile in Decibel Magazine!"
[Notes on the Subject: The receiver of this message knows what's going on without reading the message.]
GREETING: Often "Hey [fill in name]!
[Notes on the Greeting: I have discovered that though I may be a HUGE E.B. White fan, potential readers of Decibel on mySpace are not. "Salutations" does not merit any responses. Also, if the person is foreign, I write the greeting in their language. See, spammers. There's a name and an effort to try to communicate with non-English speaking people.]
BODY: "How are you? I noticed you're a fan of [fill in band]. I just wanted to let you know that they're featured in [fill in Decibel issue]. Here's a link to the article: [fill in link].
[Notes on the Body: I state the purpose of this message. And I'm not giving anyone viruses nor am I asking for your social security number so I can rob your ass blind later. Though I may get 2 responses out of 50 messages sent, at least is some room for conversation.]
CLOSER: "Thanks! Kris Fossett Decibel Magazine"
[Notes on The Closer: If you're really pissed off that I'm telling you Iron Maiden was on the cover of Decibel's Jan. 2007 issue, then here's my name, here's where I work. You can yell at me if you want to.]

Personally, I think that's inbox clogging done right.

Which is why I get so offended when I see stuff like this:

SUBJECT: hi
BODY: "http://www.erxpharm.com rdr nyf grv
zwq jrq aaw."

What the hell is that? The things at the bottom are even attempting to be words!

If you wanted me to check out your stupid website, personalize it a little.

And yes, I send mySpace messages for my internship. That's right. Decibel Magazine would crumble without me.