I don't understand H.P. Lovecraft.

And I tried. I really did. I read anthologies from the library and even purchased a few (or one) at this amazing used bookstore. But I just don't see the appeal. Every time I read a story, it's over, and I've missed the monster or the GREAT, BIG HORROR at the end. I go back, and I still miss the damn thing.

But even still, I really enjoyed "I Cthulhu" by Neil Gaiman. It's short, quirky, and entertaining. If you get a chance or if you like staying up late for no particular reason, even though you know you have work in less than six hours, you should check out this story.

It's About Bloody Time!

I don't know about you, but I'm relieved to see that Honduras is on the front page or top story or whatever you call the first story on an Internet news source. It's not that I didn't like Micheal Jackson (how can you not love Thriller? Even robots love Thriller.) But aren't there more important things in the world going on?

I mean, the man hadn't made a decent album in decades. And he was bat shit crazy (see proof from Chris Leavins). But, still, he was a media spectacle, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

But look at this kick ass doll my friend's mother found! (Further proof that you can't hate Thriller.)

And don't worry Farrah Fawcett. I remembered you, at least.

Book Review: Stage Fright

Oh man, Stage Fright by Michael Paine is so bad, it doesn't even deserve a picture.

First off, I found this book at Giant Book Warehouse, a discount place for books that other stores couldn't sell. That should of said something right there. But, I liked the cover. How bad could it be?

Horrendous. I had no idea a book could be this bad.

This book is about ghosts. And throughout the book, every character will remind you about that. Almost every conversation starts out with, "Do you believe in ghosts?" "My thesis is about ghosts." "I like ghosts." "Ghosts touch me in a funny place." Okay, so maybe that's not verbatim, but the main character does enjoy getting raped and engaging in S&M play with ghosts.

And yes, it gets even worse.

Instead of focusing on a haunted theater in the middle of nowhere, which the back cover promised, the first half of the book is about college students trying to start a theater company. It takes the students over 100 pages (a third of the book) to find the theater, while chapters start out with monologues from the ghosts at the theater taking away any mystery or fear.

Paine created characters that were unrealistic. No character in this book warranted my sympathy. When the students first explore the ancient theater, one person dies viciously and another goes missing, but what the living characters are worried about are relationship problems and S&M sex. Why S&M is mentioned so much in a book supposedly about ghosts is beyond me.

Honestly, I just kept going because I couldn't wait for everyone to die, which most of them do in a quick, cheap bang! at the end. And of course, it leaves the door open for a sequel.

Now if that's published, that's truly scary.

0 out of 7

London Leftovers

Here's some photos from my trip to London that I wasn't able to publish, thanks to a slow Internet connection and the desire to stay in my flat for as little as possible and actually explore.

These are from Bath.

Philadelphia Photos

Well, I guess one of the nice things about losing a camera charger is that I can post old photos. Here's some of Philadelphia.


Temple's Center City Campus (TUCC) building.


The Ben Franklin Bridge.


And West Philly. I think this is near 46th and Market Streets.

Jesus is Scary

A postcard my grandfather owned. "Watch the eyes. They will suddenly open," reads the bottom.

I don't want to be around when they do.

In Philly, on the corner of 15th and South Streets is a delicious Mexican restaurant called Pico de Gallo. This is in the bathroom. He watches you as you poo.

And this is found at New York City's St. Patrick's Cathedral. Sort of looks like the postcard. Do his eyes also open? I didn't stay around long enough to find out.

See what I mean?

You Can...

...try to get your work published by clicking on the ads from Google found on the side of my blog.

Or, you can submit your work to Tainted Tea. At least, if you click on my magazine's blog, you won't run the risk of crashing your computer with a virus or anything.

Lost Camera Charger

I put my digital camera charger in a "safe place so I can't lose it." And I will never see that again.

But at least it gives me a reason to post some old photos. Here are some I took when I went to New York City. Can you tell what season it is?



Both at Central Park.


And this guy is made of jelly beans. He was at F.A.O. Schwartz.

Even though I can't post any new photos, I can still work on my literary magazine, Tainted Tea, which you should check out. And if you're a writer or an artist, you should submit your work.

Movie Review: Alien Apocalypse

The box of Alien Apocalypse promises "Starship Troopers meets Army of Darkness."

Well, there are giant bugs. And Bruce Campbell stars in it. And that's about as close as this gets to that promised movie. (Man, just close your eyes and imagine Ash chainsawing his way through giant bugs and zombies. Or even better, giant zombie bugs. Now, that would be an awesome movie).

This is not an awesome movie.

Bruce Campbell plays an astronaut doctor that's been frozen in space for the past 40 years. He and his crew return to Earth, and they discover all of humanity is enslaved by alien termites.

Yes, there is potential there for an entertaining B movie. But this movie decides to suck instead.

Alien termites suck. They force humans to work, which is moving one piece of wood from one truck to another. Humans also can't escape these work camps because of there's a fence in the way.

But Bruce Campbell's character finds a way. And he discovers that these aliens can be killed. With a drill bit. With arrows. With rocks. And he gathers up a force, and you know the rest.

This movie moves slower than a turtle stuck in molasses going uphill. It's not even an enjoyable bad movie. Yes, there are scenes when molatovs and machine guns just appear out of nowhere, but that's not until the very end, and by that point you've lost interest.

Every character is boring. I'm not at all convinced they want their freedom. I think they like being enslaved.

And also a note on the story: Humanity uses guns. Lots and lots of guns. And like, nuclear bombs. If these aliens can be killed with rocks, you would think they would have been wiped out within seconds.

1 out of 7

Farewell David Carradine

I greatly enjoyed your work. You shall be missed.

Hiking Time

Well, sort of. The woods were surrounded by a neighborhood, trolley tracks, and a school. Photos taken at a park in Springfield, PA.











Except this one. This rose in on my lawn.

Movie Review: My Name is Bruce

An ancient Chinese war god and patron saint of bean curd is accidentally unleashed and decapitates the small town of Gold Lick. There's only one man who can save them and that's Bruce Campbell. The problem is, as one BC fan discovers, is that Bruce Campbell is not Ash. But the fan kidnaps Bruce Campbell anyway and hopes for the best.

There's also cameos from Ted Raimi, Tree Rape Girl, Jake from Evil Dead II, and the blacksmith from Army of Darkness (yeah, I don't exactly remember him either, luckily the actor reminds us.)

If this means anything to you, then you will enjoy this movie. Is this the greatest movie Bruce Campbell has ever made? Far from it. But it is a good way to spend a Saturday night with fellow Bruce Campbell fans and point out thrown in Bruce-isms and others things relating to BC Awesome-ness.

5 out of 7