The box of Alien Apocalypse promises "Starship Troopers meets Army of Darkness."Well, there are giant bugs. And Bruce Campbell stars in it. And that's about as close as this gets to that promised movie. (Man, just close your eyes and imagine Ash chainsawing his way through giant bugs and zombies. Or even better, giant zombie bugs. Now, that would be an awesome movie).
This is not an awesome movie.
Bruce Campbell plays an astronaut doctor that's been frozen in space for the past 40 years. He and his crew return to Earth, and they discover all of humanity is enslaved by alien termites.
Yes, there is potential there for an entertaining B movie. But this movie decides to suck instead.
Alien termites suck. They force humans to work, which is moving one piece of wood from one truck to another. Humans also can't escape these work camps because of there's a fence in the way.
But Bruce Campbell's character finds a way. And he discovers that these aliens can be killed. With a drill bit. With arrows. With rocks. And he gathers up a force, and you know the rest.
This movie moves slower than a turtle stuck in molasses going uphill. It's not even an enjoyable bad movie. Yes, there are scenes when molatovs and machine guns just appear out of nowhere, but that's not until the very end, and by that point you've lost interest.
Every character is boring. I'm not at all convinced they want their freedom. I think they like being enslaved.
And also a note on the story: Humanity uses guns. Lots and lots of guns. And like, nuclear bombs. If these aliens can be killed with rocks, you would think they would have been wiped out within seconds.
1 out of 7
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