Book Review: Sex Dungeon for Sale!

Patrick Wensink's short story collection, Sex Dungeon for Sale!, is not for everyone. If not for title alone, try a journalist figuring out how to put a positive spin on killer washing machines or a suburban America where children are suicide bombers. But if you like Christopher Moore, Douglas Adams, or yes, even Kurt fucking Vonnegut, then Wensink should pique your interest.

Sex Dungeon for Sale! is a short story collection for readers with very little attention spans (wow! Mini stickers!). There are 12 stories; most of them averaging between three to five pages in length. Only two reach the ten-page mark.

This is both a blessing and a curse.

This book is perfect for readers on the go; it can be read anytime and anywhere. And like any good joke, Wensink sets readers up for the laugh and delivers the punch within minutes.

Though Wensink is witty and delightful, his flash fiction reads like jokes. Great jokes, but not short stories. A majority of his situations and characters are like The Nightmare Before Christmas's clown with a tear-away face, "Here in a flash and gone without a trace."

At times, it seems like Wensink is trying too hard to make us laugh. "Me and Gerardo Down by the Schoolyard" explores what happens after Rico Suave stormed the U.S. and Right Said Fred was too sexy for anything. The early '90s references will put a smile on any VH1 enthusiast's face, but the ending is so clichéd, it's groan inducing. In "My Son Thinks He's French," it seems like Wensink is too busy hating on Europe, he forgets to tell a story.

This isn't to say that Wensink isn't a good writer. There is immense potential here. He is a master of snappy punch lines. Wensink started his career as a journalist, and it shows. Every last line is memorable. His cheeky wit will make readers smile (or smirk, depending on the story). Also, Wensink can deliver surprise endings like M. Night Shyamalan.

Despite the ridiculous premises of his stories, Wensink has some important things to say. Though "Wash, Rinse, Repeat" is about killer washing machines, he writes "God, what's worse—the fact that America demands a KILL cycle, or the fact we're too dumb to avoid it?"

"Pandemic Jones," the longest story in the collection, is a great tale. The pharmaceutical company with a revolutionary sales technique is an intriguing and fully developed premise with likable and empathetic characters.

When given the room, Wensink can write a great story. According to his biography, he is working on a full-length novel, and I can't wait to see what Wensink can do. With his wit and humor, his talent is sure to flourish.

Sex Dungeon For Sale! is part of The New Bizarro Author Series. Editor Kevin L. Donihe explains, "For every book published in this series, the following will be true: This is the author's first published book, we're testing the waters to see if this author can find a readership, and whether or not you see more Eraserhead Press titles from this author is up to you."

I hope to see many titles from Patrick Wensink.

Oh Really?

Addendum to the Coloring Contest

A few more words on my previous post: New writer and coloring contest judge Patrick Wensink needs your help on finding a winner. He's narrowed it down to 13 choices, so you can vote on your favorite here. Voting closes December 17.



Also, stayed tuned for my review of his new book, Sex Dungeon for Sale!, coming late December.

Thoughts on Twitter

At first, I thought Twitter was the dumbest Web site ever created. "Who could possibly care that much about a person to follow their every move," I thought. "And what kind of person would post their life on the Internet?" Please ignore the fact that I have a blog, a Facebook, and now, a Twitter.

But, a few days ago, I discovered why Twitter is amazing.

Behold, a quick conversation between JOE HILL!!! AND NEIL GAIMAN!!!!

What are they talking about? I have no idea. But, IT'S JOE HILL AND NEIL GAIMAN!!!!!!

Cycle Mania

And I thought I was badass because I, like, try to jump creeks and fail like no one has ever failed before.



Cheers to you, friend.

(On another note, I wish I knew more HTML so these videos wouldn't be cut off. Here's the link to see the non-cut-off video.)

COLORING CONTEST!! And Free Books!

Do you like to color? How about free books? If you're like me and you answered, "Hell yeah!" to both questions, check out upcoming writer Patrick Wensink's coloring contest.

Here's the details:

Patrick Wensink recently decided there’s only one way to celebrate the release of his book, “Sex Dungeon for Sale!”. And that is by holding a coloring contest.

He had a series of illustrations created based on some of the book’s stories, including a Kindergartener who thinks he’s French, a puddle of ketchup shaped like Elvis and something called, “Chicken Soup for the Kidnapper’s Soul.”

While the coloring contest sounded like fun, Wensink added a little excitement by offering an autographed stack of his favorite books from 2009 to the winner:

Fool- By Christopher Moore
Tales Designed to Thrizzle – by Michael Kupperman
AM/PM – By Amelia Gray
Help! A Bear is Eating Me! – By Mykle Hansen

The contest ends December 14.

For all the details visit www.patrickwensink.com/randomness

Tainted Tea's Official Web Site

We finally did it, despite our almost complete lack of HTML knowledge and Web publishing (sorry Colin Lenton). See it here: TaintedTea.com

Tainted Tea and Write On! For Literacy

Tainted Tea was recently interviewed by Dallas Woodburn, founder of Write On! For Literacy and amazing author.

Read it here.

New Portfolio Site

Now with my own domain name: leakyfossett.com

Shane R. Toogood's Article

in Broadway.tv


I'm quoted in the lead! And Shane wrote a damn good article, too.

Autumn Foilage

Happy Fall!

My Favorite...

...Songs About Love, Relationships, etc.

"Us" Regina Spektor
"Mood 4 Luv" Reggie and the Full Effect
"02-75" The Mountain Goats
"Just Like Heaven" The Cure
"Maps" Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Obvious" Hey Monday
"Portions For Foxes" Rilo Kiley
"Like I Love You" Justin Timberlake
"Transatlanticism" Death Cab for Cutie

Tainted Tea Press Awesome-ness

Published in The Communitarian, DCCC's student-run newspaper by Katy O'Dwyer.

You should totally read it! It's a lovely article and a great newspaper.

And if you haven't already, check out Tainted Tea at Lulu.com It's only a $1.24. That's less than a coffee!

Blech.

Copyright infringement blows.

My Favorite...

...Books Written in the First Person (because I know you were dying to know)

1. The Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger
2. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius: Dave Eggers
3. Master of Reality: John Darnielle
4. Persepolis: Marjane Satrapi
5. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal: Christopher Moore
6. Heavy Metal and You: Christopher Krovatin
7. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist: Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

Halloween Greetings!

Enjoy the holiday!

Reasons to Love Christopher Moore

From Coyote Blue:
"Never face heavily armed bikers without your wubby."

From Fool:
"Jeff? The bloody frog prince is called Jeff?...He took my princess and my monkey's name!"

From Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff: Christ's Childhood Pal:
"'I've got it. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake.'
'...What are you going to give them?'
'A fruit basket.'
'You can't give the meek the whole earth and these guys a fruit basket.'"

And finally, from Christopher Moore's travels to France:

TAINTED TEA FALL 2009 ISSUE OUT NOW!!!

Download here.



(Sorry, we didn't realize that Lulu charges 1/4 of the price, so the magazine is $1.24 instead of $.99. And also, even though the poster has a later date, we wanted to give everyone a Halloween treat. Enjoy!)

Tainted Tea's First Issue...

Even though, it's on Tainted Tea's blog, I figure the more places it's posted, the better.


Tell your friends!!

(Dates and prices subject to change.)

Zine News

Now on Every Writer's Resource!



Find it here.

And the Frivolous Purchase of the Day is...

...the sitar!

It was made in India, it's beautifully crafted, and it's bigger than me.

Do I know how to play it? Or even tune it for that matter?

I think those are irrelevant details.

Tainted Tea (again)

In case you couldn't tell, readers of my blog, I'm really excited about the upcoming launch of Tainted Tea, the horror zine my friend, Shane R. Toogood, and I are publishing. It's hard to believe we've come this far in only six months. Now, we have a contributing staff, the submissions keep pouring in, and the first issue is almost ready for download.


Until mid October, please read an excerpt from "The Devil's Choir" by M.C. Brody.

Found Magazine

So, I just discovered Found Magazine (and what a find, oh!) at a bookstore the other day.

I never realized the thrill of discovery from the things people discard. I've always loved looking at people's trash, but I never gave much thought to where things came from, where they've been, or why the owner tossed them.

Something interesting to think about. Thanks to Found Magazine, I think I just discovered how I'm going to clear out some of my unwanted and unused junk.

Fungus and Flower

Zine News

So, this zine that I'm publishing with Shane R. Toogood, is coming together so beautifully. We're publishing at least four short stories, a movie column, and several photographs. Look for the first issue in mid-October.

Until then, read our press release about the launch.

Some Photos from the Pocono Mountains

Butterfly at Lake Tobyhana.



View from the top of Mount Pocono.



A bench on Lake Tobyhana.

Where Have All the Voice Actors Gone?

Animation has hit it big this year, as far as great fucking movies go. Coraline was beautifully crafted and creepy, Up was uplifting (and for once, no pun intended) and brought me to tears, and even though I have yet to see Ponyo, I'm sure it's astonishing; Miyazaki can do no wrong.

Which brings me to 9, the Tim Burton produced film about sack dolls in a post-apocalyptic world. Like Coraline, 9 is visually stunning, and viewers can tell that lots of time and care went into the film. However, unlike Coraline, 9 failed to immerse me into their world.

Was it the under-developed story? The manic pace? Maybe.

But what bothered me the most was the voice of 9. Elijah Wood did nothing to create a voice for 9. To be honest, I'm not sure how a sack doll would sound, but it shouldn't sound like Elijah Wood.

Ever since Shrek, many animated movies have used big-name film actors instead of unknown voice actors. Sometimes, it works (once again, see Coraline) but most of the time, it fails. We see on-screen actors all the time, and they're great on film. But they're not voice actors. Most of them probably never trained to create different voices, and we're stuck with cartoon characters with normal voices.

Maybe using big names drawns in more people. But as an audience member, I would rather hear an unknown really bringing life into a character through voice, like Nancy Cartwright and Bart Simpson or Tom Kenny and Spongebob.

And if you haven't seen 9 yet, I would stick with the trailer. The trailer is amazing.

Honestly...

...there are not enough movies about people who lose their limbs and replace them with ridiculous weapons.



Will these movies fix the economy and finally create jobs for the recently graduated?

We can only hope.

And Speaking of Mash Ups...

...here's one more, this time it's Iron Maiden mash-up.

It's interesting, to say the least. Is it good? Well, yes and no. As I said before, it's interesting. If you're a Maiden fan, you should be entertained to hear Maiden with Beyonce, Public Enemy, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

Though listen to "Maiden Goes to Bollywood" first. Personally, I think Wax Audio's track makes the whole album worth it.

A Few Words on Green Day

I love Green Day's American Idiot. Despite what other critics may say, I found a plot in the "punk rock opera" (even though I wouldn't call Green Day punk rock, but there is no way I'm getting into the whole "what is punk rock" debate. That causes too much hatred from too many idiots that I am not willing to deal with.) and I loved it.

Now it's 2009, and we have 21st Century Breakdown. This one, not so good. On the first listen, you realize it sounds like B-sides off American Idiot, and this time around, no plot. And "Know Your Enemy" is one the most annoyingly repetitive songs in the history of all pop music. In other words, a disappointment.

But this Green Day mash-up album, by Dean Gray is NOT a disappointment. In fact, it's quite delightful. And unlike 21st Century Breakdown, it's free, interesting, and not as pretentious.


As for me, I'm going to give Green Day another album before I dismiss them as awful. Until then, I'm going to enjoy this mash-up.

Addendum to the Recently Graduated

See? You're not the only one. Though, I don't think we need to take such desperate measures. At least, I don't.

Though the headline really says all you need, here's the story.

Disappointed with the New Harry Potter Movie?

Yeah, I was too. The book is enjoyable, even if it is the weakest of the series, but the film adaptation is just painful. Too long, too much focus on teenage love and not focus enough on zombies and main character killing. Though, I found Helena Bonham Carter's performance hilarious.

So, try this instead.



Video not by me. But by this awesome guy.

Just a Thought

If you pay attention to the news media enough, you're bound to become the slightest bit paranoid. I don't know how many times the television news reiterates that it's not safe to step outside your door. According to "the news," there's bad people everywhere, just waiting to kill you. Or it's something about Michael Jackson. (But who knows, he may be old news by time I finish writing this).

And if that's not bad enough, now, it's not safe to eat.



Or drink water.

Journalism is dying. There's plenty of reasons why. Readers of this blog, I'm sure you have your theories. So do I.

But maybe, just maybe, if the news media outlets could stop telling us that the world is a shit place and that we're all going to die in some horrible fashion, just maybe, journalism could find an audience again. Maybe, the news media could tell us something nice once in awhile. Provide some hope in this failing economy, failing environment, lying politicians, war torn, blah, blah, blah world.

Just a thought.

Notice Anything about the Dolphin Show?

These photos were taken at the National Aquarium in Baltimore's dolphin show. During the finale, audience members stood on each side of the tank and waved flags while one of the dolphins jumped and hit a ball.

See anything slightly wrong with how the groups were separated?

Side A


Side B


Or should I say segregated?

See the below post for some nice shots of the Inner Harbor.

Some Nice Pictures of Baltimore's Inner Harbor

To the Recent College Graduate who Studied Journalism

I and many other journalism students knew this wasn't going to be easy. Hell, if you went to Temple University almost every class had a "Journalism is doomed and so are you" speech at the end of the semester.

But this is ridiculous. With newspapers and magazines folding everyday, the recently-graduated journalist has to compete with the 15-plus-years-experience journalist for the same job. Who's going to get hired? The former Decibel intern or the former Editor-in-Chief of Metal Maniacs?

Yeah, it sucks. I know that many recent grads are still at the minimum wage paying, bullshit job they had in college (myself included), or they don't have a job at all.

But it can't stay like this forever. The economy has to pick back up eventually. And until it does, try these things while you're waiting for that job that utilizes your career.

1. Learn another language. Journalism is about communicating with your sources, and you never know whose story you're going to tell. With the My ____ Coach games on the Nintendo DS (there's Japanese, Chinese, French, and Spanish), learning a new language is cheap and relatively easy. Sure, they're no Rosetta Stones, but they're a talking dictionary, with over 100 lessons. And there's games. Hai!

2. Start your own zine or blog. Forget what your school said, the Internet is awesome. It makes publishing easy and almost free. A domain name costs 10 bucks, and for those who are less Web savvy, blog accounts are free. Who cares if you're not making much (or any) money? It's a resume builder, and the experience is invaluable. See my zine Tainted Tea or my friends at Damage Control.

3. Pitch, publish, repeat. Neil Gaiman wrote, "Better I should call to people who aren't there than that people who are there should miss us because I didn't say anything." Find publications. If you're really stuck, try the Writer's Market Guide. Or just go to a coffeeshop, bar, or bookstore and see what free publications are there. Write to editors. The worst they can do is say, "No" or ignore you. And you never know who might be reading your blog.

So, with these words recent journalism graduate, I bid you farewell. Keep your head up. And remember, story ideas are everywhere. You just need to know where to look.

A Quick Thank You Note

I would like to thank everyone who has stopped by this blog of mine and took the time to look around.

I placed Google's AdSense on my blog about a month ago, and now it's paid off.

Readers of my blog, I made my first one cent today from Google ads!! You know, it is one penny that I didn't have before.

Thank you for your support. Please keep coming back for more Kris Fossett.

A Few Words on Regina Spektor

If you enjoy life, then you should listen to Regina Spektor's new album, Far. Though it's not as varied in sound as her last album, Begin to Hope, it's quirky, cute, and upbeat. It's like rainbows and ponies, in singer/songwriter/pianist form.

However, clearly, the Pitchfork hates life. Those poor critics, no one taught them how to love.

Speaking of love, here's a picture of a cloud.

Re: Tainted Tea Help

Never mind, I've found someone. Her name is Allie, and she's amazing.

But feel free to submit, still.

Tainted Tea Help

My web zine, Tainted Tea, is looking for artists to help with posters, stickers, and maybe Web design. Send me an email at TaintedTea.Editors@gmail.com

Tainted Tea is also accepting short stories, narrative poetry, artwork, and movie reviews. Please see my other blog for more details.

Scary Wolves, Michael Jackson, Asia, and a Bee

I highly enjoyed celebrating my nation's independence this weekend. Do any of these photos have anything to do with the Fourth of July holiday?

Well, I think so.

I am...

...extraordinarily happy this trailer exists.

Pure cinematic gold. Like Dragonball: Evolution. Actually, no. This looks even more awesome.




I don't why YouTube videos are cut off at the edge, so here's the link.

I don't understand H.P. Lovecraft.

And I tried. I really did. I read anthologies from the library and even purchased a few (or one) at this amazing used bookstore. But I just don't see the appeal. Every time I read a story, it's over, and I've missed the monster or the GREAT, BIG HORROR at the end. I go back, and I still miss the damn thing.

But even still, I really enjoyed "I Cthulhu" by Neil Gaiman. It's short, quirky, and entertaining. If you get a chance or if you like staying up late for no particular reason, even though you know you have work in less than six hours, you should check out this story.

It's About Bloody Time!

I don't know about you, but I'm relieved to see that Honduras is on the front page or top story or whatever you call the first story on an Internet news source. It's not that I didn't like Micheal Jackson (how can you not love Thriller? Even robots love Thriller.) But aren't there more important things in the world going on?

I mean, the man hadn't made a decent album in decades. And he was bat shit crazy (see proof from Chris Leavins). But, still, he was a media spectacle, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

But look at this kick ass doll my friend's mother found! (Further proof that you can't hate Thriller.)

And don't worry Farrah Fawcett. I remembered you, at least.

Book Review: Stage Fright

Oh man, Stage Fright by Michael Paine is so bad, it doesn't even deserve a picture.

First off, I found this book at Giant Book Warehouse, a discount place for books that other stores couldn't sell. That should of said something right there. But, I liked the cover. How bad could it be?

Horrendous. I had no idea a book could be this bad.

This book is about ghosts. And throughout the book, every character will remind you about that. Almost every conversation starts out with, "Do you believe in ghosts?" "My thesis is about ghosts." "I like ghosts." "Ghosts touch me in a funny place." Okay, so maybe that's not verbatim, but the main character does enjoy getting raped and engaging in S&M play with ghosts.

And yes, it gets even worse.

Instead of focusing on a haunted theater in the middle of nowhere, which the back cover promised, the first half of the book is about college students trying to start a theater company. It takes the students over 100 pages (a third of the book) to find the theater, while chapters start out with monologues from the ghosts at the theater taking away any mystery or fear.

Paine created characters that were unrealistic. No character in this book warranted my sympathy. When the students first explore the ancient theater, one person dies viciously and another goes missing, but what the living characters are worried about are relationship problems and S&M sex. Why S&M is mentioned so much in a book supposedly about ghosts is beyond me.

Honestly, I just kept going because I couldn't wait for everyone to die, which most of them do in a quick, cheap bang! at the end. And of course, it leaves the door open for a sequel.

Now if that's published, that's truly scary.

0 out of 7

London Leftovers

Here's some photos from my trip to London that I wasn't able to publish, thanks to a slow Internet connection and the desire to stay in my flat for as little as possible and actually explore.

These are from Bath.

Philadelphia Photos

Well, I guess one of the nice things about losing a camera charger is that I can post old photos. Here's some of Philadelphia.


Temple's Center City Campus (TUCC) building.


The Ben Franklin Bridge.


And West Philly. I think this is near 46th and Market Streets.

Jesus is Scary

A postcard my grandfather owned. "Watch the eyes. They will suddenly open," reads the bottom.

I don't want to be around when they do.

In Philly, on the corner of 15th and South Streets is a delicious Mexican restaurant called Pico de Gallo. This is in the bathroom. He watches you as you poo.

And this is found at New York City's St. Patrick's Cathedral. Sort of looks like the postcard. Do his eyes also open? I didn't stay around long enough to find out.

See what I mean?