Think life would be easier if you joined the undead? No way.
Here's why.
1. I don't have any canines. When I was 12, my orthodonist recommended the removal of these teeth. The reasons were that my canines were babies, and I had no adult teeth underneath. So, I don't think the teeth next to the canines turn into fangs. And no fangs would suck.
2. I hate the dark. I start getting paranoid and seeing weird shit. I may be able to see at night, but I don't think that would make the dark any less creepy. I guess the good thing about being a vampire would be that I would never have to lifeguard at DSC, ever. But, then I couldn't pass out on a hammock on a deserted tropical island.
3. Stealthy is not my middle name.
4. Neither is witty. What if I have to exchange banter with a wise ass slayer? I'd be so flustered from saying, "Yeah? Your face, slayer," that I would get staked in a heartbeat.
5. When people taught children how to speak in an "indoor voice," I wasn't there. But I did seem to attend the LOUD BOOMING THEATER voice class several times.
6. The sight of blood makes me woozy.
7. I would get bored.
Yeah, the life of a vampire is not for me. Now, the life of a ninja pirate zombie hunting rock star who can fence their name in people's shirts...
No comments:
Post a Comment